Epiphanies: A Visual Perspective (Part I)

(based on images from the Richard Kostelanetz film)

The first order of the day involved roping in a runaway cow and leading it to slaughter.

Along a straight path, he somehow managed to wander in circles.

Second childhood begins when sexual innuendo gives way to cartoon imagery.

Once in a while, you might try saving the rubbish and tossing the trash can.

Sloth is hardly the deadly sin it is purported to be.

After surveying the multitude of options, the here and the now was, while not the best, certainly the most convenient.

He thought he was meting out the punishment, but found himself on the receiving end.

Newton was fortunate it wasn't a boulder.

It took but a mere twitch of the thumb to cause the stallion to surge ahead.

The level of amusement attained by stupidity rests on the degree of timing.

After looking up at the World Trade Center from below, she decided she wasn't prepared to peer down from atop it.

The subliminal advertising must have been working as it somehow persuaded him to relish a heinous tonic he initially abhorred.

New art forms need not have any objective other than to furrow one's eyebrows.

A snack is all the more pleasurable when snuck.

Upon realizing the power had gone out, he immediately looked for his ATM card.

She hoped her life's defining moment would be the next.

After enduring yet another equestrian event, they wondered if it might be more fun to watch the Dog Olympics.

In the midst of a heated domestic squabble, she found respite in the massacre of an innocent melon.

To his amazement, the bag really worked!

He found himself in the awkward position of having to smile politely and absurdly at the Grand Poobah society's silver anniversary soiree.

She had to focus hard on the fleeting moments of ecstasy despite her lover's valiant efforts.

It annoyed her to no end that she enjoyed watching American Football games for the very same reason her boyfriend enjoyed watching the Miss America pageant.

Nursery rhyme characters seem to have a propensity for harmless fun.

The pace at the office is always distasteful.

Alone by the fence, I think of tearing it down.

Just as he was about to surely die from the impact of his ten-storey leap, he wondered whether to lead with his left or right leg.

"I've had it up to my ear wax with you!!"

Looking through the Yellow Pages with a prospective partner can be a pleasant finger-seduction escapade.

Hoping to find an oil well, he drilled through his hardwood floor only to gush sawdust.

Violent behavior in adults is often thought to originate from similar displays meted out on food products during infancy.

The pleasures of imagined strangulation exceed that of the real thing.

Caught in the act of raping, he decided to pretend he was thieving.

She often fantasized about cultivating her own money tree plantation, given the ease of harvesting bumper cash crops at the onset of autumn.

The sense of superiority he felt upon seeing his name on the credits list was outweighed by the fact that the film was abysmally received by the audience.

Opening the door to the bathroom, he somehow found himself looking into the closet.

The only reason for his belief in reincarnation was his overwhelming desire to be reborn a virgin.

Before you fill your stomach, you have to fill your cheeks.

Watching Harry pound on the treadmill, one got the sense he was a lab rat for a higher intelligence.

No matter where you are in the world, a leopard suit will steal the spotlight.

It's woeful if nobody cares for you - perhaps more so if you care for nobody.

She looked beneath the veneer and beheld the promise of the veil.

Although the band's heavy metal music remained unchanged, it lost its following when it renamed itself "The Playful Pandas".

An "action dog sequence" is the crowning glory for any budding home-movie maker.

Mirages in a snowstorm look different from those in a desert.

The three-point shot is an odd way of getting even.

While bored at home, he often amused himself by scanning his roommate's belongings in the hope of discovering something juicy and scandalous.

Agonizingly, he couldn't penetrate beyond the shield of repression.

Leaning over, he asked the little old lady to "hold my gun, please".

"You're such a big strapping hunk now, Bobby -- I....I can't help but look at you in a completely different way than simply as Mildred's boy."

Transcendental surfing is the art of riding the airwaves.

His otherwise vegetarian diet was strategically balanced by adequate junk food intake.

Amateur kidnappers should practise their craft lest they hurt themselves.

Were Joe Namath the leading man, we would have been watching Saturday Fright Fever.

He charged ahead, swinging his sledgehammer in support of the Revolution -- and inadvertently ruptured a water pipe.

A Pine Cone Parts Production Plant is an essential ingredient in Disney's new venture: Yosemite Sam National Park -- "where nature is the theme".

It is always entertaining to dramatically demonstrate the Law of Entropy.

An effective way of maintaining your personal space in a crowded party is to ignore the usual halitosis-reduction regime before leaving home.

The sight of a woman sensuously peeling a banana seldom reminds men of their childhood circumcision ordeal.

Standing on a pier welcoming the sailors back, he suddenly began to feel seasick.

Nothing brightens up a dull outdoor laundry-hanging session than the momentary appearance of a flock of geese.

Life on Mars may be identical to that on Earth with the exception that everything will be red.

There is no such thing as "a bit of a mess".

The Taller the Tumblers, the Taller the Tumbler Tower, the Taller the Tumble Too.

One's idea of a Rollickin' Good Time certainly matures with the passage of adolescence.

A whole new class of rudeness is exemplified by the person in joint possession of the TV remote control and poor taste.

"Life is like the chocolate on a dry cupcake -- you never know if you're gonna get nothing".

Dancing alone in the dark invites fewest critics.

Little can rival the adrenaline rush that comes from riding in an ambulance with one's liver visibly being carefully cupped in another person's hands.

"Are you lost, perhaps? -- or simply in need of further mime instruction."

Seurat would have been thrilled to live in the digital world.

"I'm afraid Express Delivery is the only mailing option for our 'Box of Live Men' product," the salesperson curtly replied.

Gazing intently at his Halloween mask, he felt the surge of an unexpected identity crisis.

Having a stream of cars whiz by you is far more exciting while standing on the painted lane dividers than on the kerb.

Lines that reveal your age don't do so in the night.

Kids play hopscotch, adults simply step on others.

If spotlights hypnotize bullfrogs, will a strobe make them yodel?

Ticker tape parades aren't very celebrated events for city clean-up workers.

If the Queen weren't so silly, she wouldn't need God to save her.

Danger always seems imminent in a dark alley.

The tentative flicker of weak candlelight merely reflects the tension between the courting couple bathed in its warmth.

Her desire for total heroism was dampened by her participation as but one member of a championship relay race team.

Chess would be that much more satisfying if "retirement" from the game was not an option in order to be spared actually watching one's King being physically captured by another piece.

High-impact skating is a sport only for the well-padded.

Since opposites attract - therefore, a magnetic attraction must occur when one's outgoing positive vibes are interpreted as incoming negative vibes by the recipient.

Unfamiliar images are frequently reminiscent of scenes from Sesame Street.

Getting off-track is wise if a train is coming along -- unless it is a train-of-thought, of course!

Constantly kissing a smoker won't help her quit.

An Unidentified Flying Movie Special Effect is usually what it is.

An erroneous picture does more damage than those often maligned 1,000 words.

Foreign language signs in black-&-white often do no more than intimidate.

Hungrily wolfing down her hot dog, she was clearly in blissful ignorance of its true contents and manufacturing deceptions.

Dancing may be somewhat two-dimensional if you are a stick figure.

We all can imagine what an Octopussy might look like even if it doesn't exist.

Inverted family portraits are more difficult to capture because keeping a rowdy group of people still is more difficult while they are upside down.

Utterly bored by her boyfriend's displays of marksmanship, she wandered off to another attraction at the carnival.

Captivity finally afforded him the luxury of contemplation.

There are certain events that can happen only in the mind of Stanley Kubrick.

They would have ignored mother's warnings had it not been for her wagging finger.

He fancied he could tolerate the heat in the depths of hell, as long as it wasn't boring!

The kids felt their hearts beat with excitement as they boldly entered the East German High Jump Training Area.

Her fear of fire was traced to the time she inched her eye just a little too close.

Little did they know that the continuing visible evidence of their lusty romp in the abandoned bus was being monitored by an audience awestruck by their prowess.

Starlight StarBright - explode in the night for my sheer delight!

Disappointment set in when he realized that no matter how much he loved his pet dog, he couldn't bear to give it a big wet kiss.

Being responsible for a Rolls Royce without the redeeming benefit of ownership is an onerous burden.

If your life is but a blur, you must be living in California.

She considered it fortunate that, unlike the horses, she was able to get off the Merry-Go-Round.

Alas, a "Gourmet" Sausage is never to be.

Though on a quest for total peace, he quietly settled for a piece.

In the warmth of the church, all were chilled by the organ's soulful wail.

Not able to tolerate its challenging licorice flavor, the little brat dunked his ice-cream cone head first into the trash bin with merciless purpose.

In preparation for his journey, Mr. Pak took a long time to pack.

To meticulously sweep his circular-shaped room, he purchased a broomerang.

While not understanding why, she happily capitalized on her naturally and eternally bemused facial expression to garner attention.

Tisn't the sound of one hand clapping, but the noise for one head banging.

He chose the cello over the violin because he could dance with it.

The power of a feather lifts birds to the sky and your lover to a new high.

The picture might look more appealing if we could only see its frame.

Easing into the morning with a light leisurely breakfast, their serenity was rudely jolted by the

appearance of his mother in curlers and a green facial mud paste.

She couldn't believe that such putrid, soggy mush was once a head of lettuce.

He wasn't about to question his sense of optimism when the light at the end of the tunnel revealed a half-full glass of wine.

One of the finer things in life is dust.

To a vast majority of people, it doesn't matter if it's Greek or Chinese to them.

The key measure of ecstasy is not quality but quantity.

While robustly chopping firewood all day with his trusty axe, he could not rid himself of a bloodthirsty yearning in his taste buds.

In a frenzied demonstration of self-worth; he strapped on a pair of high heels and ran amok, triumphantly disrupting and scattering flocks of resting pigeons all over the park.

Epiphanies: A Visual Perspective (Part II)

(based on images from the Richard Kostelanetz film)

In the mundane ebb and flow of Ted's career as a tax consultant, 1982's Championship Year came on the strength of 2,505 return completions.

While sitting on the bus, she suddenly decided to abandon all plans for the day and instead follow the whereabouts of the last passenger to alight.

After returning from his maiden trip to a foreign land, he never quite felt the same rush of pride whenever he gazed into his full-length bedroom mirror.

In a blatant statement against a generation raised on consumerism, her business thrived on the concept of holding back from customers exactly what they wanted.

The notion that Writer's Block is more painful than Tennis Elbow is all in the head.

It was a steamy, still night -- written and choreographed by Edward Hopper.

The start of their beautiful relationship for him began when he first noticed that odd, perpetual and barely discernible curling of her lips.

Every time he successfully landed the 747, he would yell "TOUCHDOWN!" and exuberantly slam his cap on the cockpit floor, much to the bewilderment of his international crew.

Their romp in the hay amazingly uncovered a lost needle.

In stark contrast to the hard edgy relief that is the roof of the palate is the soft undulating valley that splits the tongue.

It may take place on a desk, but it can hardly be called a job.

The performer thought her audience had put on a jolly good show.

Their desire to keep up with the Joneses and concurrent fear of being labeled by the neighborhood as "passionless" prompted them to inject a physical element into their hitherto tame domestic squabbles.

His fairly harmless fetishist display of caressing the scantily-clad mannequins was amusing but nonetheless disquieting to the female employees.

Dressing room doors frequently provide unexpected entrances into the Twilight Zone.

Key to an actresses' range of competencies is the ability to portray growing anxiety and terror without sending the audience into a raging fit of laughter.

Worse than choking on a fig is inducing an unintended Heimlich by falling on a stake.

For all their modern gadgetry and zippy action, James Bond films would not be half as entertaining were it not for the pervasive air of flirtatiousness.

There was severe unrest in the Bermuda Triangle when about ten square miles of ocean suddenly burst through previously watertight seals.

Though he couldn't decipher the inscription, its somber script left little room for light-hearted interpretations.

As she put the finishing touches at the end of the assembly line on yet another high-end PC, she sorely envied its path to presumably more comfortable surroundings than her own.

Focus is the key to completion of many difficult tasks -- including an eye test.

He enjoyed the act of lovemaking more with one item of clothing on.

To ease the pain of reliving the crucial fumble that cost them the game, they watched that portion of the film in reverse.

And then there were five, which meant there muat be no fewer than four false prophets.

His obsessive superstitiousness caused him to attempt to squeeze awkwardly -- and subsequently get stuck -- into the narrow space separating the two adjacent leaning ladders.

EVIAN -- two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen, seven parts marketing integration.

Before the helicopter, the term "WHIRLYBIRD" referred to an obscure aristocratic pastime where caged pigeons are observed in their confinement after being subjected to a mild alcohol overdose.

NoNoNo -- we're weary of you, Yoko.

Hidden skeletons aren't likely to be in a closet.

It concerned him that whenever he witnessed a cheerleading routine, ballet dance or chorus line, his mind's eye saw a burlesque show.

Though he understood neither French nor German, he dreamt in them -- making him a tremendously challenging patient for his therapist.

As his girlfriend was burying him in the sand, a bully came & kicked sand in his face.
Since the stand-up microphone was a major prop in his stage act, the advent of clip-on wireless devices was hardly a welcome advancement.

I start to weep as I watch my mother on her exercise machine, trembling with excitement as she recites a prayer about orgasm.

As he menacingly stalked the scantily-clad vixen, he became aware of a band of thugs lurking behind him.

Debbie needed a live coach constantly by her side in order to maintain pleasant phone manners.

Though she didn't reduce its price, she thought it rather egalitarian displaying a 'FOR SALE' sign on the window of her Mercedes while driving around the township.

She was producing a beautiful condensation landscape on the rear window when the car lurched suddenly.

He was so excited at having sneaked under the barrier and slipping into the building that he didn't realize he had disembarked at the wrong bus top.

Momentary shadows were his photographic specialty and as such found it a demanding discipline.

His only purpose for renting the limousine that evening was to be seen arriving and leaving from all the city's hotspots with a hired escort.

The peaceful rural path had a steep downward gradient, a gorge at its end and an out-of-control skateboarder careening along it.

An express train to work can be a good or a bad thing.

As Daddy put on his goggles and gargled in front of baby, baby gurgled.

A Milanese Mafioso Movie will have many mean-sounding men.

The balcony of view of the featureless earthy smog in the background was partially obscured by the monstrous skyscraper rising offensively in the foreground.

His casual interest in the rally peaked considerably when the riot police arrived.

She awoke me from my deep sleep by rapping on the office glass partition and gesturing that the boss was coming.

His initial satisfaction at being caught behind the celebrity motorcade turned to bellicose annoyance when he realized it was only a traffic jam.

The mathematician stared incessantly at the passion-locked couple because they reminded him of a Moebius strip.

Not one for consensus, the CEO longed for a time when conflicts were resolved by a good old-fashioned joust.

Grandma exceeded all social protocol when she spat her dentures clear across the banquet table straight into grandpa's cognac.

She'd been told the water was unsafe to drink and so proceeded to wash her face with beer.

He answered the doorbell and was greeted by a pair of perky breasts.

In a bold move, the Police Commissioner ordered his force to wear red uniforms.

If not for her stunning good looks, Morgen would have found it more difficult to forgive her parents for the silly name they gave her.

Today's mood forecast calls for a wave of optimism followed by a downward spiral.

He finally invested in a zoom lens for his job of photographing aircraft landings.

While he enjoyed sporting a goatee, he couldn't deal with the associated expectations of greater wisdom.

The flower blossomed beautifully into shades of varying gray.

She viewed the 'exponential function' not as a mathematical entity but rather as another chapter in her tedious textbook.

Her mom said, "If you're dead set on going to an orgy, at least make sure it's a damn fine one!"

There's nothing like a game of Jenga with people cushion-pounding you as you're trying to tell an interesting story while removing blocks simultaneously.

It's rarely the case that butterfly catchers are in it for the chase only.

He had gone completely Overboard in his barrage of insults, so the ship's captain gave him his due punishment.

She retired from her career as a magician when her rabbit began getting claustrophobic.

When two hearts beat as one, their impact is less sobering than when two ships meet.

The headlights swiftly approaching his car weren't as much a concern as the train behind them.

It's a little known fact that people with blue eyes make better pilots because they have clearer sky vision.

People who dictate fashion simply have a fetish for passion.

"Achtung!" he uttered.

As an anesthetist turned body artist, she now carves a nice living creating personalized nipple sculptures.

To the residents' dismay, the arrival of the police served merely to elevate the tension and noise-level of the demonstration.

Kevin & Tim made quite a hit on public access TV with their weekly critique of Siskel & Ebert reviews.

As his coach's favorite guinea pig for developing hammer-throwing techniques, he suffered many heinous hernias.

Most passers-by who saw the glamorous couple sitting on a park bench in a pensive posture assumed they were posing.

Behind every evil king is a sinister spy.

He was really good at doing headstands from the waist down.

Nothing is quite as dizzying as gazing at a constantly moving Mondrian montage.

While the school board warmed up to the proposal for women's basketball and football teams, it was decidedly uncomfortable with an accompanying troop of screaming male cheerleaders.

There is no such thing as a minor shipwreck.

Disco undoubtedly has some roots in early Chaplin comedic dance routines.

He found it anatomically challenging to satisfy his foot fetish and phone sex fantasies simultaneously.

People who attempt suicide are as impatient as queue cutters.

People plunder peerage, penguins preen plummage.

A man approaching ecstacy focuses intently on the white light.

The mature splendour of the sweeping landscape was disrupted by the waste treatment facility.

She held enough power in her hands to actually light the bulb.

He wondered if his pet falcon would feel condescendingly towards the idea of a road trip.

The worst place to hide your treasure map is up your sleeve.

Boys who chug beers aren't as masochistic as girls who chug grape sodas.

He didn't mind walking to church, at worst he'd be late.

Watching the bird suddenly fall out of the sky and splatter itself mercilessly on the pavement seemed rather surreal for John.

The woman with the big orange hair abnd the man with the big orange jacket walked in together unnoticed.

Paying no attention to the stick-up, the man and his horse rode on.

He theorized that men really bonded with jukeboxes because they possessed many mechanical moving parts and gave control to the user.

Sewer is thicker than water.

All his colleagues developed nasty headaches from the malodorous mixture of his body stench and over-powering cologne.

Caught by the police spotlight in the alleyway, she instinctively broke into her stand-up comedy routine.

She couldn't take her eyes off the decor - till the cameras arrived.

She was dancing with such reckless abandon as to forget time and the precipitous fall beyond the low roof railing.

Many lives would change if the earth zipped across the heavens like a shooting star.

Abortion rights meant keeping the clotheshanger factory open.

As he stood by the window ready to leap, he first decided to take off his watch.

The trouble with elevators is there's seldom enough natural lighting inside.

He didn't help investagators much by describing the suspect as an indiscriminate shadowy mass.

She was so pre-occupied with looking for her misplaced clock that she was unable to find time for much else.

The woman in the leopard skin suit would do well to not work in the male nursing home.

They were caught red-handed in the black market.

The ashcan flame was too small to sufficiently warm their outstretched hands but too big to safely light their cigarettes.

After pacing incessantly around the phone booth and rehearsing his lines, he dropped his quarter into the payphone's out-of-order abyss.